Life as I know it.
I’m sorry dear readers, I’ve got nothing for you.
It has been the most relaxing week in my life in quite sometime. My travel season over, I’ve been home since Sunday. No appointments, no working at the gallery, no samples in yet, nothing major until my artist’s reception next Saturday. I’ve done mostly cleaning and organizing this week, moving my bed and dresser over to my new apartment. While my output has stayed consistent, I have been concerned about my mindset
It started over the summer. I knew I was kind of running on fumes writing-wise, as I could only do after I took major trips that allowed my several days to sit behind the wheel, think, and enjoy some quality listening material. I’d read and write notes when I’d stopped, and publish them. I found some new directions and enjoyed sharing my thoughts as I always did. But I could tell something was wrong. An even great surprise was that I wasn’t reading books that much, which is what i usually do when I have writer’s block and need to recharge.
A week or two ago, when I had an hour in the calm of the storm, when I took a walk and realized that I didn’t have a passion for anything I was doing right now. While I was surprised by reflection, it did explain why I was disciplining myself to write so much and why every project felt blah to some degree.
Passion of course is a dangerous thing and has lead many a man astray. But as a creative person, passion is the lifeblood of what I do, and there’s no easy way to work without it. There are only two times in my life where I know I took to something with genuine passion, and I cared about them. One was Greek class my freshmen year at CSP; the other was when I wrote my manuscript three years ago. The former was because I was a natural at a subject many people struggled at; the latter was because I was telling the story of someone I loved dearly.
When I finished writing that novel, I was completely on fumes. I wished I could keep writing those characters forever, but now I know two things: one, you need to have a plan when you write, and two, that kind of passion is a special thing. You only get so many projects that you have great passion for, but in spite of that, you have the rest of your life to fill. Every writing project is important because it will take you to your next writing project. I just hope I don’t screw the great ones up.
I don’t know how I’ll get that passion back. I have my new apartment, and per Jonathan Franzen’s advice, I’m not having internet put in. I’m going to start working on real stuff and pieces that I know I can place with publications. I’m going to try to wean myself off of video games, and if I feel like gaming, I’m just going to go for a walk. That’s the most I can do.
Hope that was something.