Derek Johnson Muses

(The thoughts in this post have been loosely inspired by the blog letitstet, whose perspective I don’t always share, but who always says something that gets me.)

There are single woman out there who dream of their perfect man. He is tall, dark-haired, and handsome, and is the perfect trophy for them. He looks stunning in his suit, and when he goes to events, his wife hangs on to his arm, smiling with pride. He’s her man.

If any woman gives me that “You’re my man!” smile and looks at me with shining admiration of a supposed grandeur, I will throw up in my mouth.

Don’t get me wrong; should I marry, I genuinely hope to be the object of my wife’s affection. And as I’ve written before, I don’t believe in equal marriage; the man is the gracious head, and that is the way that God gave marriage to humanity, as a gift. But I don’t want her to look at me like I’m perfect all the time, or that I’m just some shining figure. I want her to look at me like I’m human, with flaws and all, someone who needs her as much she needs me. Yes, I will be here head, but as I understand marriage, it’s a give and take. For me to be her head, I will need her support, just like a government needs the support of its populace.

I don’t know why I feel this way, but maybe I’m a product of the turn-of-the-century world. I see how the buttoned-up, perfect world of the 1950′s fell through (Mad Men), and while I still value traditional marriage, I don’t want to be seen as perfect, or even triumphant. I want to be seen as I am-a guy who does his best, in spite of his imperfections

As for the woman who wants that type of guy, I say go for it. Who am I to judge which person is right for which other person? But I would say, while you may love the trophy, don’t expect perfection. Behind close doors, be willing to listen, forgive, and see your man for who he really is. And if he isn’t as shining as you’d expect, don’t bash him for it, or diss him to your friends, but be grateful for what he is to you: a husband and a head.

For me, I hope my wife (assuming I have one) always looks at me with respect and support. I hope when she goes to sleep at night, she knows that, whatever decisions I’ve made that day, I have considered her needs first, and that no matter what, I’ll do what’s best for her as her head. If she goes to sleep knowing that, I know she wouldn’t need to look at me like I’m perfect.